


De-Evolution

by citizenjess (givehimonemore)



Category: X-Men Evolution
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-30
Updated: 2011-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-28 12:51:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givehimonemore/pseuds/citizenjess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Subtitle: "Five Ways Charles Thought Running a School for Mutants Would Be Better Than It Is."</p>
            </blockquote>





	De-Evolution

1.

Charles Xavier is an ambitious man, but some years after opening his school for wayward mutant youth, he realizes that he may have overcommitted. He's not actually sure he likes teenagers that much; also, it turns out that he needs some sort of accreditation. Such is how his adopted hoard comes to attend a public high school.

"Hmm," he says, surveying a new recruit, a blue-skinned boy with a tail who looks vaguely familiar. "Wear this watch in public so you don't look gross. I don't pay for lunch." Then he retires downstairs, where mutant porn on Cerebro awaits.

2.

Charles doesn't hate Magneto, but it does irk him that Erik masters the whole only-recruit-mutants-who-had-already-gone-through-puberty thing before he does. He could also stand for Erik to use a God-damned door once in a while when he visits, usually to smirk at him for being a shitty professor.

"Mutantkind will realize its full potential someday under me," Magneto gloats, and Charles sighs and waits for him to release his wheelchair because he has to pee. Erik floats a lamp to himself and yanks the cord from the socket. "I'm taking this. Goodbye, Charles."

"Stop breaking my windows," Charles shouts after him.

3.

Sometimes, Charles wonders why he sends his students to a public school being run by a completely unqualified Mystique, who glowers at him from behind her desk. There's little wonder why test scores are the lowest in the district.

"Erik, you're not fooling anybody by pretending to be a lampshade," he frowns, and bats at the paperclips Erik is now childishly poking him with. "Also, why isn't this school up to ADA specifications? There isn't one ramp. God forbid you put in an elevator."

"Take it up at the next PTA meeting, Charles," Erik rasps, and postures with his cape.

4.

In an effort to spend even less time interacting with all of the mutant children he gets a huge tax write-off for babysitting, Charles manages to coerce Logan into teaching at the mansion. Unfortunately, Logan proves to be completely unfit for the task. Charles intercepts all copies of his hand-out entitled, "40 Ways to Kill a Man Using a Toothpick," reminds Logan that the lesson is supposed to be over The Once and Future King, and then wheels himself out of the room before anyone decides they need him for any banal minutiae, and also because his show is on.

5.

To the untrained eye, Scott Summers is Charles' protégé, the young man who will probably take over for him as head of his mutant "school" some day. To Charles, Scott is a complete suck-up, but a suck-up who makes him sandwiches and reaches things on high shelves, so Charles nurtures his talents and turns a blind eye whenever he reads the intention of several students to throw Scott a blanket party.

"You're like the father I never had," Scott gushes one afternoon while he gives Charles a sponge bath.

Charles grimaces and pats him on the head. "Yes, of course."


End file.
